Peachy
by amy like the pond
Summary: A small part of him dared hope that his feelings would fade away, but he knew himself pretty well, and was pretty sure that with his luck that just wouldn't happen.


_an- this is the writing equivalent of a doodle. i'm warming up to continue my community fic- i've had no time to write AT ALL, and the free time i do have i'm to exhausted to even think about it. BUT NICKxJESS DOES THINGS TO ME. TAH-DAH._

* * *

Nick realizes his feelings for Jess on November 24, 2011.

Not that he's the kind of guy who keeps track of dates or anything. He rarely ever knows what day of the week it is, never mind what _date_. He only remembers this date because it was Thanksgiving day, and his mom had sent him a billion texts beforehand, and Schmidt had insisted Nick not make any plans the following day because of Black Friday.

That, and, well, he realized he had more-than-platonic feelings for his female roommate.

He never bothered to think why, or how, or when these feelings had actually started... No. He just shrugged and took it like a man. A man who always seems to develop really inconvenient feelings for really inconvenient women.

Like when he was eleven and he had a crush on his teacher, Miss Lucas. Not that he'd ever say this out loud, but something about those high-waisted pants and golden chin hair just did it for him. Well, his eleven-year-old self, that is.

Or when he was sixteen, his mom let Friedel Ebersbacher, the beautiful German exchange student, live with them for three months. Oh man, that had been _hell_. He rarely ever left his room in case he ran into her, he ate meals at bizarre times and went for long walks through the windy city and wrote terrible poems involving a criminal overuse of the word 'desire'.

(When he sits back and thinks about it, maybe there's some kind of pattern... but at the end of the day, that's not really important.)

What's important is that it doesn't matter, because Jess is his roommate, she's his friend, and she's not interested. Never would be. So there was really no point.

When he sighed deeply and moved to the back of the line so that Paul could take his place, that was it. That was his heroic moment, that was his selfless act. He felt like a real hero, and also incredibly selfless.

And slightly cowardly, but _that_ was hardly important. That was his stance on the matter. A small part of him dared hope that his feelings would fade away, but he knew himself pretty well, and was pretty sure that with his luck that just wouldn't happen.

And hey, it made perfect sense!

When he bailed on Caroline, when he came back to the loft... that was _not_ selfless. Because he came to the fantastic, wonderful, just fucking _peachy_ conclusion that Jessica Day was _probably_ the love of his life. Yeah, he believed in that stuff. He'd have to be an idiot not to. The only thing was, at some point, for the longest time, he had believed Caroline was the love of his life. And then he had managed to fool himself into believing it again.

Only when he was standing there, in _their_ apartment, did he realize that it was really no use. Because he was so useless, and stupid, and in love with her, _her_ who was not Caroline. And it was different from the love he felt for Caroline- the love he felt for Caroline was twisted and idiotic and unhealthy. He had been so invested in her, and she had been so _perfect_ to him, and his every happiness depended on being with her, and her loving him back, and when she treated him badly he didn't even care.

Because –_ big reveal_ – Nick Miller hates himself.

And of course it makes sense, _it makes perfect sense_, that the only person who doesn't make himself quite as much as anyone else would be the person who's never going to get with him.

But that's great, that's fine, that's just peachy.

Because Nick Miller doesn't get what he wants, because he doesn't really want anything _that_ badly. No one believes him when he says that, but it's completely true. Nothing's worth it. He's perfectly content with mediocrity- a beer, an occasional cookie and he's happier than a damn third-grader.

The fact that The Love Of His Life was living under the same roof as him- well, whatever. That was fine. It made sense, anyway, because his life sucks and that's that. Whatever. It's cool, you know? Like, whatever. Whatever, it's cool! It's totally fine. It's fine, it's cool. Whatever. Whatever, man. It's fine.

It's _fine_.

Right up until he starts to doubt. That's when he starts to get cocky. _That's_ when he starts to think... what if?

What if she feels the same way?

Now, there's a dangerous thought.

It's not like he's going to ask her to marry him, it's not like he's going to just grab her and kiss her... Pfft, he's way too confident in his cowardice to be afraid he might do such a thing.

Besides, Sleeping Nick is a totally different guy.

That horny bastard.


End file.
